Pride & Perseverance
by Madame Daphne
Summary: Lily Evans and James Potter were destined to be together. But here is the story that explains how destiny helped two polar opposites to attract. Starting in fifth year and rated for language.
1. Home Bound?

Pride & Perseverance  
  
--Home Bound?--  
  
A beautiful young girl sat staring out her window. Mind you, the view was nothing spectacular but it still had a special place in her heart. The view that consisted of perfectly manicured lawns and almost identical houses came from none other than her very own house. Lily Evans, whose wavy red hair flowed down her back, started to get tears in her almond shaped, vibrant green eyes. With the exception of her rather ignorant older sister, Petunia, who considered Lily to be as appealing as a leper, she dearly loved her home. And she dearly loved her parents too. That was probably what made it so hard to go back to Hogwarts every year. But all she had to do was think about seeing her two best friends and getting back to her studies and she didn't feel quite as sad.  
  
"Lily!" her mother called  
  
That was Lily's cue to get a move on, it was time to leave for the train station.  
  
"Coming Mom," she called back.  
  
Once Lily's things had been loaded in their car she set off with her parents for the station. The ride was over quickly since they lived somewhat near the train station. However, in that short time Lily had managed to get herself worked up over the upcoming year. This was going to be her fifth year at Hogwarts, which meant that at the end of the year she would have to take her OWL's. If she did bad on these tests then she wouldn't be able to get into the highly selective NEWT classes she wanted to take and if that didn't happen she might never become an unspeakable which in her mind could very possibly mean the end of the world.  
  
Lily concluded her thought when she felt the embrace of her mother. Had they already reached the entrance to Platform 9 3/4?  
  
"Have a great year Lily!" her mother exclaimed.  
  
Her dad was next in line for a hug.  
  
"We're so proud of you becoming a prefect," her father said positively beaming. "I know you'll do tremendous this year."  
  
"Don't forget to write," Lily's mother quickly chimed in.  
  
"We love you!" Lily's parents both said in unison.  
  
Lily quickly said good byes again and turned back to the barrier separating two very different worlds. This was always the hardest part about going back to school. She always felt as if she was abandoning her parents to go live a separate life. No matter how much she reasoned with herself she always knew that her family and the rest of her life could never really be one in the same. As much as her parents accepted and encouraged her to become part of the magical world, she always had reservations. Because by encouraging her they were really just pushing her into a world in which they could never really be a part. This thought made Lily sad, but she rallied her spirits by thinking of the feast that awaited her tonight. On that note she started speeding towards the brick wall that would allow her entrance into the platform. Her parent's shouts of farewell followed her and while she had a smile on her face, she also had a single tear running down her face.  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
Just as Lily felt a cool rush of wind graze her face, Platform 9 3/4 came into view. But something alarming also came into view. It was a cart sitting directly in front of her. She barely had time to register the object before she rammed into it with her own cart.  
  
"What the..." she heard a familiar masculine voice say.  
  
When Lily looked up she wasn't surprised to see James Potter. To anybody but Lily, James was a very intriguing creature. James was the star chaser on the Gryffindor quidditch team. He was also very intelligent, but he put his intelligence to work in creating unique and amusing ways to pull pranks on people. Lily Evans, unfortunately, had been victim many a time to these infamous pranks. She would not be fooled by his always-disheveled hair and cute geeky athletic look. Unlike every other girl, Lily was not only not attracted to James; he positively repulsed her. His cocky and arrogant attitude annoyed her to no end. However, even though Lily tried to be nice to James she usually failed miserably. The short-tempered redhead was infamous for going off on people when they pissed her off, especially James.  
  
"Oh, bloody hell, sorry Potter," Lily said quickly.  
  
James stared awestruck at Lily for a few moments, but when he finally realized he was just standing there with his mouth hanging open he quickly tried to cover it up.  
  
"Ahemm," he cleared his throat (for no particular reason)" that's alright Evans."  
  
"Well, I guess I better get on the train before it leaves." Lily then dashed off giving James a semi-smile over her shoulder.  
  
Once Lily was on the train she started to search for her friends. They weren't discovered until she got to the last few compartments at the very end of the train. When she opened the door she was greeted by shouts of joy. Her two best friends, Madison McGuire and Emma Thornwood, rushed up to hug her. Madison was a petite girl who had beautiful dark black hair. It was the kind of deep black that starts to look blue if you stare at it too long. Her light grey-blue eyes presented a nice contrast to her hair, which fell to the bottom of her shoulder blades. Emma on the other hand had sandy blonde hair that was cut to right above her jaw line in an almost retro look. She was about 5'6" but still had a very slender frame. Her dark chocolate brown eyes welled up with tears of joy as she engulfed Lily in a hug.  
  
"Oh, I missed you SO much!" Madison squealed.  
  
"How was your summer?" Emma said in a shaky voice when she had gotten enough control over herself to speak.  
  
"It was boring as usual," Lily replied.  
  
As she looked around the cabin she realized that it was empty except for the three of them.  
  
"How did you guys manage to get us a compartment all alone,"  
  
Before either Madison or Emma could respond the door slid open.  
  
"They didn't," said another all too familiar masculine voice.  
  
When Lily turned around she came face to face with the one person she possibly disliked even more than James Potter. Sirius Black. He smiled that smile that melts girl's hearts and stops them dead in their tracks. It had no effect on Lily though. She took him in in a glance. Already she could tell he hadn't changed much. Same tidy black hair, devastatingly handsome good looks, and definitely the same cocky and arrogant attitude as James. Sirius merely walked right past the three girls and took a seat by the window. Lily's temper flared. How dare he come waltzing into THEIR cabin acting as if he owned the whole world. As if that wasn't enough, James came in after Sirius, following suit. He didn't say anything. Instead he tousled his hair and grinned at the girls. Next to come in was Peter Pettigrew. He was a major groupie of Sirius' and James'. Not only did he worship the ground they walked on, but he would also do anything they ordered him to do. The last to come in the cabin was Remus Lupin. He saluted them and then sat down. Out of the four, Lily found Remus to be the most tolerable. They had studied together many times and actually got along pretty well. However, Lily was always disappointed in Lupin for his lack of willingness to stand up to his friends even when he knew they were wrong.  
  
The Marauders, as the four boys were called, started to huddle around a piece of parchment that Sirius had suddenly pulled out of his pocket. By this time Lily was seething.  
  
"And just who do you boys think you are?" Lily asked through clenched teeth.  
  
"Well," said Sirius, "I'm Sirius, this is James, over here is..."  
  
"Don't be a prat, you idiot. What I mean is why the hell did you just walk in our cabin and take it over?"  
  
"We didn't take it over, we merely decided to join you lovely ladies in occupying it. By all means feel free to go about things as normal. Don't worry we aren't planning to strike up any conversation today. There are more important things to think about now than how to wiggle our way into the hearts of the three most beautiful girls in school," Sirius said.  
  
The girls were all amused at how he could fit an insult into a compliment and still sound so charming. Finally, each of them took a seat. Lily could only think with dread about the trip that lay ahead of them. I swear, vowed Lily, if any of those little prats try any pranks on me I will hurt them so bad they won't know what happened. 


	2. The Year Ahead

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own any of the characters from the Harry Potter series. They belong to the talented J.K. Rowling.

**--The Year Ahead--**

The train was speeding ahead while Lily tried to put on her prefect badge. Remus suddenly looked up from the game of wizarding chess that he was playing with James. When he saw Lily's badge he sighed and walked over to his bag to retrieve his own badge. As James saw what Remus was carrying in his hand, he let out a loud snort of laughter.

"No way moony, they made you a prefect?" James asked in an amazed voice.

"Yeah, I can't quite believe it myself," Remus replied

Lily who had been conveniently listening to their conversation decided to chime in.

"Well, Remus, I for one think you deserve to be a prefect and I'm sure you will do a great job," she said, much to the astonishment of James.

"Umm... thanks I guess, and likewise to you too," Remus managed to get out.

Sirius who had finally caught on to what was happening started to laugh.

"Wow, Remus, congratulations. But I would never have made you prefect if it were my decision. What was Dumbledore thinking, you're a freaking Marauder. All we do is pull pranks on people 24/7." Sirius kept on looking at the badge with a mixture of amazement and amusement on his face.

"Well maybe that's the whole point," Lily snapped back at Sirius. "Maybe Dumbledore was hoping that if he made Remus a prefect he might be able to keep you guys in line."

The reactions of the Marauders were priceless. Sirius had a look of clarity on his face that was very unusual for him. James just burst out laughing, as if silently saying to Lily that her idea was so preposterous that it was funny. Peter just started mumbling that 'if that was what Dumbledore had planned, then he had another think coming.' Remus started stuttering incoherent statements as if that might take away the idea that Lily had put on the table.

Emma and Madison who had been silently taking in the scene started to laugh as they saw the Marauders reactions.

Not soon enough, the train had reached Hogwarts. Lily looked out of her window and sighed in contentment. It didn't matter that she had four very annoying boys sitting in her train compartment. It didn't matter that the year ahead of her was bound to be very hard and stressful. What mattered was that she was finally home. For the first time ever, Lily didn't feel bad saying that this was her home. She loved her parents dearly, but this was the place that flooded her memories. Whenever Lily ventured home on holidays she longed to return to the school where she could take long walks alone. No matter how hard she had tried, in the past, to make her parents' house her home she just couldn't. Her heart truly belonged to Hogwarts.

When she descended from the train she heard the familiar voice of a favorite half giant, Hagrid. He was beckoning to the first years to follow him. Lily vividly remembered her first journey to Hogwarts. She hadn't known a single child since she came from a muggle family. Luckily, she was able to join two very friendly girls in a cabin on the train. They quickly became friends, and still to this day Lily, Madison, and Emma were best friends. Suddenly, Lily's thoughts wandered to her first glimpse of the castle. She remembered how she couldn't quite believe her eyes. Could one building be so big? And the grounds were stunning. Every year with each first glimpse of her beloved school Lily still got that same breathless feeling. She figured she probably always would. Somehow, that single moment made this place even dearer to her.

"Well, Evans, are ya just going to stand there all day with your mouth open?" James' voice suddenly brought Lily back to the present.

When Lily looked up she found that James, Sirius, and Peter had just gotten off of the train and were walking past her towards the carriages that would take them up to the school. Lily absent-mindedly observed that Remus was missing. Then a light bulb went off in her head. She had forgotten her prefect duties that she had been assigned earlier on during the train ride in the Prefects Meeting. Lily quickly collected herself and went off to make sure that all of the students were in carriages.

Lily finished her duties and hopped in the nearest carriage. Remus was right behind her. As she saw who was in the carriage she tried to turn around, but Remus was blocking the way. She highly doubted that he would let her leave the carriage so she just sat down.

"Hi again, Lily," Sirius said in a cheery voice.

"Hi Sirius, Hi James," she replied shortly.

James nodded in recognition of Lily, his face only slightly coloring.

Once Remus sat down the carriage started to move. Lily hoped this journey would be over quickly.

"So where is Peter?" asked Remus.

"I think he got separated from us in the crowd. That's alright though. I was getting tired of his hysterical laughter over every joke Sirius made. We all know that Sirius' jokes aren't funny so I don't know why he was laughing," James said in a voice that conveyed annoyance.

"Hey, that's not very nice," Sirius defended. "I have funny jokes, don't I Remus?"

Remus just glanced out the carriage window. He was better off if he didn't say anything.

Lily was conveniently tuning out their conversation and instead watching the beautiful scenery they were passing. Her thoughts also started to wander to a certain 7TH year Ravenclaw that had been appointed Head Boy this year. Michael Kent. It was common knowledge that Michael had a crush on Lily also, but he never seemed to have the courage to ask her out. Lily sighed in anticipation as she thought about him and all the exciting things that could happen this year.

James watched Lily sigh and suddenly wanted desperately to know what she was thinking about. As hard as he tried, he just couldn't seem to quell the feelings he had for Lily. He was too scared of rejection to confront Lily about how he was feeling so he stayed at a standstill. James also realized that Lily was a valued commodity. It always made him wonder if that fact alone partially drove him to want Lily. She rarely went out with boys. In James' opinion that was because she was too good for most of the boys at Hogwarts. Humbly, James even questioned whether or not Lily was too good for him too. The question that weighed down on his mind was: Did he want her because he couldn't have her? If the answer to that question had been 'yes,' James would never have thought about pursuing Lily. Because he cared too much about not hurting her to ever make that mistake. However, it seemed that day after day he answered 'no' to that question. He wanted Lily because she was beautiful, smart, quick-witted, and unique. He wanted her because, even as cliché as it sounds, Lily was the only person that had ever truly made him want to be a better person. James sighed, wishing that he could get a chance with Lily.

Sirius glanced at the people around him as the carriage fell into silence. His eyes finally rested on Lily. She was a mystery to him. Most girls fell all over themselves trying to get at Sirius, but Lily wouldn't even give him the time of day. That intrigued and amused Sirius. Maybe that was why he wanted to get to know Lily. Sirius had a sneaking suspicion that James had a little crush on her, and he heartily approved of it. If James could catch a girl like Lily then he would be damn lucky, Sirius thought. Already, Sirius knew that somehow he and Lily would become closer. Whenever Sirius and Lily's eyes would meet there was a connection. No, it wasn't a gaze of lovers. It was a joining of kindred spirits. Sirius sighed and a feeling of safety engulfed him.

Remus turned from the window to gaze upon Lily. Out of all of the Marauders, Remus understood her best. He was the one who sat quietly and listened to the beautiful redhead spill out her hopes and fears. He was the one who spent hours studying with her. He was the one who would never have his love returned by this godly creature. Remus knew all too well that James had a crush on Lily, which meant he had no chance of getting her. James always won. That's just how things went. By now, Remus was mostly reconciled to the role of passive friend. He didn't even feel angry towards James anymore. He realized that this was yet another disappointment that he would have to endure. However, if James wanted Lily, he would have to treat her better than he had ever treated any girl before. Remus would not stand by and watch his Lily get her heart broken because of a silly, fickle, boy. No, she was too precious to become just another girl on Potter's long list. Remus sighed because his love was just another secret to add on to his already towering list.

Peter sat, thoroughly annoyed, in a carriage far ahead of the Marauders. He was tired of always being second best. There are two kinds of people in this world, Peter had been told one day, those who shine and those who follow in their shadow. He had fallen so far into the shadow that when he looked up he couldn't even see the light anymore. So now he was left in the shadow wondering how he even got there. And worst of all, he was left wondering how he would ever get out. The hopelessness was consuming. The feelings of inadequacy were unbearable. Peter sighed, wondering when he would be able to escape himself and when his time to shine would come.

As the carriage rolled to a stop, the fifth year Gryffindors were jolted from their thoughts. As they slowly walked towards the doors of the castle they each thought about what the future would hold in the year that lay ahead of them. The possibilities were endless.

A/N- I just want to thank those who reviewed. You're positive comments encouraged me to keep on writing this story!


	3. The Sorting

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters.

The doors to the castle loomed in front of Lily, James, Sirius, and Remus. The three boys glanced at each other and broke into huge grins. They were home once again. Lily looked up at the huge doors and let out a sigh of contentment.

When they reached the Great Hall the tables were mostly filled. The three boys found a spot to sit at the end of the table while Lily looked around for her friends. She finally spotted them and ran over to take a seat next to Madison. When all of the students were seated Professor McGonagall brought out a stool and a hat. After she placed the hat on the stool the hall waited anxiously for the song that would inevitably come from the Sorting Hat. And eventually the hat began to sing.

You may look at me

And see a tattered rag

But I hold within me

The solution to the snag

Many are still blind

To the gaping whole

And I come to tell you

Each student plays a vital role

For to avoid the darkness approaching

We must unite within these walls

No longer can we avoid it

Because the world now calls

As I've told you year after year

Four friends founded this school

I'm the last remnant

Of their collective rule

Gryffindor wanted those who were brave

In spirit, body, and mind.

While Ravenclaw took those of great intellect

Where they would flourish with their own kind

Sweet Hufflepuff took the rest

For in her eyes all were an equal match

Finally Slytherin took few students

Only those who were pureblood would be in his catch

And so that is how this process started

Four who were once connected

Were forever separated

Unfortunately we the whole world now affected

I've come to give you a message

To put aside conflict

And those who by the Dark Lord

Have been tricked

Immerse yourselves in the fight

To save the good before they fall

Because from the grave

Those before you call

A cryptic message

That this fight we must win

Forget not my message

But let now the sorting begin.

The Hall broke into applause. Most were too stunned by the hat's cryptic words to say anything, but those who could speak didn't know what to say. Four friends were affected in particular by the hat's dark message. For from an outsider's view the Marauders resembled what the founder's of their school had once been. James represented the bold and daring Gryffindor. Remus was smart and very similar to the knowledgeable Ravenclaw. Sirius was accepting of all who were truly good like dear Hufflepuff. While Peter sought power like Slytherin once did. Dumbledore had always seen this connection, but had a hard time trying to place the equivalent of Slytherin. It had come down to a battle between Sirius and Peter. The question was: Would blood win out in the end? But that question would not be answered until years after James and Lily's death.

For now the boys were content eating the delicious feast that was eventually placed before them after the sorting had commenced. They sat in collaboration thinking and discussing the possible pranks they could pull this year. Remus of course made sure that they didn't plan anything too horrible, because, after all, he was a prefect. He had a reputation to keep up.

At the opposite end of the table Lily sat discussing trivial matters with her friends. Occasionally she would look up and her eyes would meet those of this year's Head Boy. Every time she would blush fiercely causing her friends to slip into small smiles. As dinner ended Lily got up to leave, but she was interrupted by none other than Michael Kent. Lily was shocked to see him standing there.

"Hi," he said with a grin plastered on his face.

"Hello," Lily replied shyly.

"So how was your summer?" Michael asked with great enthusiasm.

"It was pretty good, how bout you?" she said politely

"Mine was great..." at that he broke off.

Lily's courage started to build up. She wanted him to ask her out so bad and she had been waiting for two years. Fine, she decided, if he won't ask me out then I will ask him out. She had never done anything this daring before, but she wasn't a Gryffindor for no reason.

"Michael," she said boldly. "Would you like to go on a walk with me sometime?"

Michael quickly and excitedly answered that yes he would love to go on a walk with her sometime. They decided that sometime in the next week would be good. Then Michael left to return to his Head duties and Lily to her Prefect duties. As she was leading the first years up to the Gryffindor common room she felt a tap on her shoulder. She already knew who it was, but turned around anyway to make sure. After she had confirmed her suspicions she turned back around and kept on walking.

"So, Lily, what were you doing talking to the head boy?" James said catching up with her.

"It's none of your business Potter," she said hoping to end the conversation.

"Oh, does yittle Lily have crushy on the Big Head Boy?" James said cruelly.

"Ha, if anyone has a big head it's you Potter. You're the one that goes around playing with that stupid snitch and making yourself the center of attention always Mr. Look-at-me-I-play-quidditch-and-I'm-just-oh-so-smart," wisely Lily cut her self off there. She wasn't going to let her temper get the best of her.

"Yeah, well you're Ms.-I'm-perfect-and-I'm-too-good-for-everybody-so-I'll-just act-all-high-and-mighty. But let me tell you Evans that I'm just as good as you are so you can stop acting better than me!" James shouted.

This statement shocked Lily and she sincerely hoped she didn't make anybody feel like they were less than here. She knew what that felt like and it was very unpleasant.

"I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like that James," she replied truthfully. "I never intended to."

With that Lily continued walking and left James standing there. Mentally, he was kicking himself in the head. Why did he have to be such an ass around Lily? Of course, she never made him feel like that. It was just the only insult he could think of. He knew she cared about people too much to ever make anyone feel like they were less than her. After James got done mentally beating himself up he decided to just go to bed. As he walked in the common room he saw that a party had been formed, but he just wasn't in the mood. He bypassed Sirius' shouts for him to join them and continued on to his dormitory. When he reached it he got into his pajamas and lay down in his bed, just staring at his ceiling. Staring and thinking.

Lily had seen James silently walk up to his dormitory. She hoped that she hadn't made him feel less than her. The only reason she always yelled at him was because he was usually so mean to the other kids. She knew that deep down he was a good person, because that was what she thought about most everyone and by yelling at him she was hoping to bring that good person out of him. Lily decided to follow his lead and she journeyed up to her own dormitory. This day had been long enough for her. It was time to put an end to it and she did so by changing into her pajamas and going to sleep. All the while thinking about James. She didn't want to think about him, but she couldn't help it.

A/N- Thank you to all who have reviewed. You guys are the reason I keep writing this story! I want to clarify a point in the story though. I'm a firm believer that Peter wasn't always a bad person. It was circumstance that turned him into the horrible person he became. Yes, some of you might despise me for sticking up for Peter, but how would you like it if your friends got all the attention while people could barely remember your own name. It wouldn't feel too good, I'm sure. So please just keep an open mind when I write about Peter. Thanks and keep reviewing!!!!!!


	4. Overwhelming Memories

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, because if I did I wouldn't be writing these stories. I would be sitting in my castle happily being doted upon. But until that happens I shall continue writing these stories, because it feels good to know that my reviewers appreciate them.

Overwhelming Memories 

Lily woke up before the rest of her roommates and decided to go on a walk out by the lake before she had to eat breakfast. She quickly threw on some clothes and brushed her hair. Then she headed out of her dormitory and down the stairs towards the common room. When she reached the common room she saw that there was a head of messy black hair sticking up over one of the couches. Slowly, the head turned to face her. Lily looked into the eyes of James Potter and saw something that struck a chord in her. His eyes looked glassy and she could see a pained expression in them. Why would James Potter be sad? She thought.

James heard someone coming down the stairs and when he turned around his eyes met those of Lily Evans. Great, he thought, this is the last person I want to see me like this. This was one of the rare times when James had let down his guard. He had thought that no one would be up so early in the morning and he couldn't stand being cooped up in his dormitory any longer. He tried hard to quickly gain control over himself, but it was of no use. He had let himself get too far into his own thoughts and now he couldn't escape them.

Just as slowly as Lily had watched James turn towards her, he turned away from her. She didn't quite know what to do. This was not the James Potter she knew. She desperately wanted to know what was wrong with him so she could fix it and take that pain out of his eyes. But she had a feeling that nothing she could do would take that pain away. However, she was willing to try. As she sat down next to James on the couch she placed her hand on his.

"James?" she asked hesitantly. "What's the matter?"

He glanced up at her and gazed into her striking emerald eyes. This was too much for him. The pain was overwhelming and he wanted so badly to tell Lily what was wrong, but for some reason he couldn't make the words come out of his mouth. Instead, he looked back down into his lap.

"Please James, tell me what is the matter. Maybe I can help you," she said after his piercing gaze broke away from her.

"Lily," James said quietly. "Please just go away."

She looked shocked to say the least. She wasn't sure whether to start crying or yelling at him. In the end, she decided to do neither and did as James had asked. She left him sitting on the couch by himself. As she walked out of the portrait hole she felt tears start to well up in her eyes. No, she said to herself, I will not let James Potter make me cry. But on her journey out to the pond she couldn't help but think of a conversation that she had had with him only the night before and guilt overwhelmed her. She knew that her words hadn't caused him all of the pain in his eyes, but she knew that she had caused some of it and that made her start to openly cry. With tears flowing down her beautiful face the redhead made her way to a special rock by the pond.

James sat staring at the fire for some time after Lily had left the common room. He tried so hard to make himself feel numb. Why did Lily make every feeling in his body rise to the top when she came around him? He hated it, but he loved it too. James kept thinking about his encounter with Lily and he scolded himself for being so cold to her. But today wasn't like everyday. Today, there were more important things to think about. Today, Matthew Potter would have been twenty-three years old.

Matthew Jeffrey Potter had been the light of his family's life. He had been _everything_, to say the least. When he had become an auror his mother had been devastated. Now she would not only have her husband out risking his life, but her son would be too. Why couldn't he get a sensible job like being a healer? Just like her. However, Matthew knew that it was his duty as an able wizard to be out there in combat fighting against the evil that threatened to prevail. And so he took the job knowing that every moment his life was in danger.

One night Matthew went out to fight against death eaters who had attacked a popular muggle location. He wasn't just a good auror, he was a great auror. However, that night the aurors were outnumbered by death eaters. Matthew tried his hardest to ward off the death eaters, but he was soon killed when he became surrounded by too many of them.

That night, before Matthew had rushed out of the house, he had promised young James that he would be home later to play a game of quidditch with him. James waited out in the backyard for him for hours. He was going to be starting Hogwarts in the fall and he needed all the practice he could get and Matt was the best player he knew. James waited and waited and Matthew never came. His hopeful thoughts for the future started to turn to worries for Matt. Where was he? He said he would only be gone a little bit. James remembered that the waiting had been the worst part. It was only he and his thoughts in the silence of nature. Eventually, he heard a knock on his door. Then a woman started crying, but James never left his seat in the backyard. Matt had promised to meet him in the backyard to play quidditch and Matt never broke a promise. Slowly, he heard the crying woman approach him and eventually his mother was at his side. She explained that Matthew had gone to help fight the death eaters, but there had been too many. James heard all these words but they didn't mean anything to him. He knew that Matt would be home soon. He had promised. He couldn't be...dead.

When Matthew had died a part of James' heart had died. Most of the time James could keep the hurt locked up inside of him, but tonight he needed to grieve for Matthew properly. This was the one night of the year that James let himself cry for the brother he had loved so dearly. Sometimes when he was at home he would go out into his backyard and sit and wait. He didn't even know what he was waiting for anymore. Maybe he was just waiting for Matthew to come home. Maybe he was waiting for the pain to go away. Maybe he was waiting for nothing, but somehow that was alright too. Matthew never came home and the pain never went away, but in a world that moved too fast it felt good to stop and wait.

Lily sat by the pond thinking about many things. Her thoughts were overwhelming. She was tired of imitating perfection. She wasn't perfect and she knew it. Just take a look at how she treated James Potter and her imperfection was clear. Lily sobbed her heart out. Everybody wanted her to be perfect and she just couldn't be. In fact, she didn't want to be. But now she had worked so hard to seem as though she was that everybody became blind to anything that wasn't perfect. Then she started to hate herself for having these thoughts. People were so much worse off than her and here she was crying her eyes out.

The picture of James' eyes blazing with pain and hurt had been seared into her mind. She couldn't help but remember it over and over again. Things had not gone how she had wanted them to go. She truly had wanted to help James because he didn't deserve to suffer alone. Lily didn't have a clue as to why James was so upset, but she only prayed that somehow the pain would be taken from him. Yes, James had his faults. But anyone who would hex anyone who called her a 'mudblood' and never give up on hoping to get a date with her had to be good. She didn't really hate James like so many thought she did. She only knew that he had great potential and if everybody treated him like royalty he would never reach it.

Dumbledore had always praised Lily highly. He knew that her potential was just as great as James, maybe even greater. Both had such passion. Both had great intelligence. Both had an incredible drive. Though their passion and drive were fueled by very different reasons they were both powerful all the same. Dumbledore acknowledged reluctantly that they would someday play an important role in the fight against evil and most likely lose their lives for it. Yes, it was a noble cause, but Dumbledore hoped that was a day that he wouldn't have to witness. A day that would be far away in the future. A day that should never come, but inevitably would.

A/N- I would like to thank all of you who have reviewed. I hope you keep reading this story and I hope you liked this chapter. It might seem like James and Lily didn't 'express' themselves well, but that was the point I guess. They were too deep in thought to be thinking clearly, if that makes any sense at all. So bear with me and hopefully the next chapter will be better. Thanks for reading and please review!!!!!!


	5. Transformations

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters except for my creations.

The next few days passed in silence between James and Lily. Many people were surprised that there were no ferocious arguments between the two of them, but they were reluctant to question, because the tranquility was enjoyable.

Lily took to brooding in her spare time. This was very unusual for her, since usually she was the "happy one." Many nights she could be seen sitting in a lone chair scribbling away in a notebook. It had made her terribly sad that James had turned her away. Couldn't he trust her? She was left in a state of indecision, the choices being whether to make James trust her or to turn her back on him forever. Deep down she knew which choice was the right one, but it seemed that turning away from James was a simpler and quicker solution. And so she decided that whatever feelings she had had for James needed to be tucked away and forgotten. Her life needed to change.

After those dark nights a new Lily arose. A Lily who was detached from things that made her hurt. A Lily who could make herself not feel anything. As numbness overtook her she felt a peace within herself. She had effectively put up a shield around herself. Smiling, she walked down to the common room the morning after her "transformation." As usual many first and second years stared at their Gryffindor prefect in awe. This happened to Lily a lot. Even though she was the most friendly and approachable person in Gryffindor fifth year, many students tended to put her upon a pedestal. It was a bittersweet cross to bear. She loved the respect but she hated the distance it put between her and everybody else. However, today things didn't seem to hurt so badly. She kept on smiling and swiftly walked through the common room and out the portrait hole. As she was stepping out of it a black haired boy obstructed the exit. Lily looked up in surprise, but never took the smile off of her face. As the black haired boy was recognized Lily's eyes turned to ice, but still her smile remained.

"Hey Lily," James said meakly.

"Oh, hello James," Lily replied smoothly.

"Are you headed to breakfast?" he asked nervously.

"Yes, sorry to cut our conversation short, but I really must get down there. Emma and Madison are waiting for me," Lily said in a clipped tone.

With that Lily walked away. James stared after her and realized he had blown it. Her eyes were so cold. He had never seen her so...unfeeling towards someone. Even when she was yelling at him it was in a warm way. But today, everything about her was cold. His body shivered as he recollected the look she had given him.

At breakfast that morning Emma and Madison both noticed the change in Lily. She seemed much more carefree than usual. Her normal frantic banter about upcoming quizzes or hard homework was absent. Instead she commented on the weather and sat silently for the rest of the meal. Occasionally, she would contribute a few words to their conversation, but even those had a detached tone to them.

For the rest of the day teachers and students alike wondered what had gotten into Lily Evans. This was not the good-natured, fiery, redhead that they all knew and loved. The Marauders especially picked up on it. Remus was concerned there was something really wrong with Lily. Sirius was wondering whether or not her attitude change would enable him to get away with more pranks or the complete opposite. Peter wasn't affected too greatly since he was busy thinking about the upcoming meal. James, however, was almost as bad as Lily that day. He desperately wanted to know why Lily had changed so suddenly and so drastically. As much as he tried to push it a way a thought kept creeping into his head. It told him that he was the reason Lily had changed. And with that thought came a great sadness.

Author's Note: Hey all of you readers out there. Please review when you get done reading! The more reviews I get the sooner I will put up the next chapter. So please,please,please review!!!! 


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